AuDHD Is Not A Fun Game

I was diagnosed before I turned 5, in Florida.

“No sugars, no food dyes, no processed meals, high protein and low carb diet.”

That’s what they told my parents.

The stimmimg got worse, the echolalia became a friend, and my ticks, well—they became a nuisance-to them. I didn’t notice, but they sure did.

Before long, the distractions were too much, the other students tapping pencils had me screaming in my head– school in Indiana wasn’t a walk in the park, and thus that is when I was given a script for methylphenidate and I had to take that along with prescribed Zyrtec for chronic hives and inflammation—as a child, every single day.

6th grade I was 62lbs. 8th grade, a few more and 9th: below 100.

9th grade: I chose to stop taking medications.

It wasn’t worth taking.

As an adult who was diagnosed as a child to be neurodivergent, I am fairly certain that information stayed within our small family circle—

Because the outlier never understood and still they do not understand that my brain is wired differently.

I am not disrespectful, I am not being rude, I am just not going out of my way to make anyone else feel MORE comfortable around me IF I choose to mask and guess what: I am done playing that game—it is exhausting.

So, believe me or don’t. But I know my medical history, you do not. Nor are you privy to it, despite what you might think.

Ya’ll see what YOU want to see and only what I choose to share publicly.

“You get so much done!”
“You do so much!”
“You’re very organised.”
“You’re very creative!”
“You’re too quiet.”
“You’re not as enthusiastic as you could be.”
“You ask too many questions.”
“You should work harder.”
“You’re sleeping too much.”
“Why does it matter how things get stacked?”
“You destroy everything.”
“It isn’t that difficult.”
“You can’t be that ill.”
“You should be able to do xyz.”
“You’re are disrespectful.”
“You think too much.”
“Stop stressing out about things.”
“You’re just having a tantrum.”
“You’re disturbing the peace.”

What looks great from afar, quickly turns into gaslighting, infantilizing and narcissistic behaviours from others when you don’t fit into the box they self-proclaimed you to be in.

Being AuDHD is not a fun game.

It creates divide.
It creates confusion.
It creates tension.
It creates assumptions.
It breeds miscommunication and misunderstandings.
It pushes you into a corner.

People look at you different whether they know you are AuHD or not.

And when they learn, they claim it is not an “excuse,” or “you’re just making that up.”

News flash—pretty sure my childhood doctor, Dr. J. Douglas knows more than you do.

The ableism is strong with some of you.

Go touch grass.

While you’re out there, go suck a tulip.

I am doing the best that I can manage.

But when I see patterns, I will call it out and I will question it.

If that bothers YOU, perhaps you should sit with yourself and figure out why that is.